Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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