you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
