I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
