please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
