it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
