Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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