he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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