One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
