he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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