I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize