reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
