a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My balls are so social today.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
