im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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