The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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