fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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