shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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