At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
