So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
