I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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