drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
