There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
