just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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