So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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