i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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