I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
