capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
