She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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