I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
