he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
