We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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