i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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