and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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