return my video game
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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