You're so nebulous sometimes
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
