my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
