i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
