shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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