would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
