Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
