dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
