I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
