I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
