as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
