It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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