Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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