Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just tell him i said nine months
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
