Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
