I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
