Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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