we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
