called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
