1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
okay pat passed out under dana's car
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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