so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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