it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Enjoy the penises
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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