Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
