if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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