My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
