we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
