dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
