Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
