So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
