I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
