no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
