I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
