I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Never joke about your clitoris.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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