So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
