I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
