Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
