if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize