Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I need to calm my uterus...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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