The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
