Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
