I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
