Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
