oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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