dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
