people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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